WTF?!

I sat down to write a thrashing reprimand of Metro’s recent column “Ivanovic has the beauty and the game,” a report on French Open champ Ana Ivanovic as a “beautiful brunette” instead of a strong athlete. It disturbed me to read Jason McIntyre’s four sentence commentary on the athlete’s wall-poster qualities, including the following paragraph:

Sure Ivanovic is 6-foot-1 and has a blistering serve that was recently clocked at 124 miles per, but doesn’t her innocent smile, devoid of ego, look like the grin of someone on a cruise ship who might bring you one of those fruity drinks with an umbrella in it?

Yeah, I said the same thing. What the fuck?

I started ranting, until I started researching. I found on her official website a powerful video animating her strategic philosophies and critically applauded potential. Yes! She's proud and professional. Until... the video swung onscreen two photographs of my strong sister topless. (Cue sad sound: Wahh, Waahhh) I threw my head back and cried to the gods, Why?! Why is she topless, using one set of money-makers (her arms) to cover her apparently other set of money-makers?

I had to stop in my heels, delete my scathing argument against McIntyre’s ignorant, archaic and insulting excuse for reporting, and turn my attention to us. That’s right, us, ladies. I Googled images of Eli and Peyton Manning, Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez, and Derek Jeter. I’m still trying to find shots of them sprawled up beside a bed, nakedly cupping their monkey business, rustling with their wind-blown hair, or modeling formal wear on the beach. And yet, Ana Ivanovic can be seen doing all of the above.

It doesn’t mean that everyone should have free reign to further sexualize her. And she must be a determined sportswoman to have made it so far in the tennis field. But I wonder why so many of our female champions are good-looking? Is it just coincidence that really great strengths in sports are also hot in ads?

McDonald's is "safe" or "sorry"?

In response to the recent salmonella outbreak among certain types of tomatoes, Yahoo! posted an AP article today. I thought the following statement was hilarious.

The salmonella causing the outbreak is a very unusual type called salmonella saintpaul, said FDA Commissioner Andrew C. von Eschenbach, who added it was not more virulent than other types of salmonella.

McDonald's, the world's largest hamburger chain, stopped serving sliced tomatoes on its sandwiches as a precaution....

The decision didn't upset Connie Semaitis, a 49-year-old travel agent in downtown Chicago, who bought a cheeseburger and a drink at a McDonald's during lunch hour Monday.

"I'd rather be safe than sorry," Semaitis said.

Ummm.... You're eating a McDonald's cheeseburger!! How is that safe? The tomatoes were getting in the way anyhow!

I'm Wearing Betsey Johnson's Bra

My most beloved and most despised have joined forces and, finally, I’m happy. I’ve loved Betsey Johnson since I was.... five. Honestly, 5 years old. And I've hated bras since I realized I was never going to make it to a C-cup. I'm not even close.

I battle everyday with the sad truths
a) I'll never make enough money to wear only Betsey Johnson clothing and accessories
b) I'll never find a bra that’s big enough to fit around my ribs but petite (I’m being nice to myself) enough that I can fill

Then, lo and behold, I’m at Marshall’s this weekend (I thought I already explained I don't make a lot of money) looking for a new batch of bras (I’ve been putting it off and have been wearing the same one for weeks), and I stumble upon a Betsey Johnson bra. It’s wonderful! No underwire, fits like a glove, pretty, and, the icing on the cake, with a Betsey Johnson label. Oh, you have no idea.

I can’t find it online to show a pic. I bought 1 in black and 1 pink; both have a cute little pink rose at each strap. Heavenly.